The One With The Lost Love
by Murusakai42
Summary: After Ross cheated on Rachel she moved away from NYC... years on, what will happen when they meet again? Will Rachel realise Ross is the one for her and tell him about their love child? Please Read and Review--- they help me to write!SLIGHT CHANGES 2 STOR
1. The One Where She Said Goodbye

**CHANGES: Ross and RAchel dated for 3 years and the friends were friends for 5 years before that. Also, Monica and Chandler were together when Ross and Rachel seperated. **

**The One Where She Said Goodbye**

Rachel sat on the steps outside Ross's apartment building, her keys locked in side and hanging her head low in confusion and disappointment.

_Ross Cheated on me, I can't forgive him for that._

Thoughts of what had been with the couple (as both friends and partners) for so many years ran through her head.

_Our life... our love... through all my other break ups Ross was there for me. Why isn't he now? _

Thoughts of Ross and Rachel's life together ran through her head, her heart sinking deeper and deeper into her chest. She simply couldn't bring herself to make the decision of whether or not to still be with Ross.

_He slept with someone else… how can I forgive a man for that? Especially Ross, he knows what I went through with my first husband... well, long time partner... and fiance..._

Rachel sighed and pulled her knees in closer to her chest, holding her dignity aside. Rachel smiled as she looked across the street at the place where she and Ross had first made love. But her smile soon turned to tears as she realised that she couldn't forgive the man whom she had once loved.

_I am so sorry Ross… _

Rachel cried to herself as she apologised in her head to Ross. Rachel felt torn between the amazing relationship that she did have with Ross and her morals. Part of her wanted to take him back, kiss him and make love to him to make everything okay… but another part of her knew that if she forgave him for what he did, he would do it again.

_I love him so much… but he hurt me… maybe once I thought we were perfect together, but I never thought that Ross would hurt me in this way… there is a place where I have to draw the line_

Rachel sighed to herself and wiped her eyes and then got up from the apartment steps. She pulled her coat around her self and smiled up at Ross's window. She blew his apartment a kiss and whispered to herself.

_Goodbye Ross. _

_NOTE: The line "he knows what I went through with my first husband!" Is a bit of a change because in my fan fiction Rachel didn't marry her first fiance because he cheated on her the night before their wedding. So, technically, he can't really be described as her first husband but she is correcting herself. I don't own friends or any of the character. _

_**Okay, so what do you think? Please read and review. **_


	2. The One Where She Moved Out

**CHANGE: Rachel lives with Phoebe because Monica and Chandler live together **

**The One Where She Moved Out **

Rachel walked into the apartment and sighed.

_I am going to miss this place, especially Phoebe. _

Rachel thought to herself as she smiled at Phoebe, sitting over on the couch.

"Why hello Rachel, so nice of you to join me." Phoebe sarcastically stated to Rachel but then realised she had been crying. "Oh ok then, you didn't really have to join me." Rachel smiled at her strange friend.

_What Will Phoebe say? I am really going to hurt her by moving out. _

"Phoebe, I need to talk to you." Rachel stated.

"Oh ok, well it wasn't me who took your shoes." Phoebe nodded at Rachel.

"Oh yeah, my shoes, who did take them?"

Phoebe glanced from side to side. "Joey…" Rachel smiled and shook her head. "Uh-huh, Joey… he has umm… he was borrowing them for Chandler." Rachel giggled at Phoebe.

"It wouldn't surprise me." Phoebe nodded in agreement with Rachel.

_Should I tell her? Maybe it would be better off if I didn't… after all I could just stay. Wait, no, Ross hurt me… I love him so much and it will be way to painful if I stay around him knowing what has happened… I will be better off if I just leave and never see him again. _

Rachel toyed with her conscience and sighed. "Anyway Pheebs, I didn't come to talk to you about shoes… I came to talk to you about me being your room-mate." Phoebe nodded.

"Yeah, is this about my snoring? Because if it is, you could always wear earmuffs." Rachel smiled.

"No, Phoebe, I am moving out." Phoebe gaped.

"I don't snore that much, do I?" Rachel laughed.

"No, it isn't you. It is Ross, I don't want to be around him anymore… I am sorry." Rachel fought to hold back her tears.

"Well, there is a fine line between love and hate… but Rachel, you sure are getting close." Rachel smiled.

"Phoebe, it is way too long to explain… but Ross crossed the line. I am moving to the city, away from memories." Phoebe pouted her lips at Rachel.

"Oh, come on, I am sure Gunther will be there for you… even if am not. Please stay." Rachel stood up from the couch and shook her head.

_Oh, how I wish I was strong enough to stay… I love Phoebe so much; she is such a good friend… I am going to miss her terribly… but probably not as much as I will miss the trust that I had with Ross… _

"I can't Phoebe, maybe we can still talk… but I need space and freedom right now. Do you want to help me gather my things?" Phoebe smiled.

"I guess it won't take you too long, because all the big stuff is mine." She paused. "You can have the big fluffy and squeaky sofa chair if you'd like." Rachel smiled back at her.

_She must really want me to stay if she is willing to give up her chair for me… that is her sex chair. The chair she always uses to seduce dates, the one that always works… hmm… in the city, maybe that chair could come of some use to me in the city… I won't know anyone and there won't be a Ross…_

"Thanks Pheebs, I will take it with me." Phoebe clicked her fingers.

"Damn, I was just being kind… I didn't really want you to have it. I need it." Rachel smiled.

"Phoebe, you have never needed the chair… your looks do it all for you." Phoebe smiled and hugged Rachel.

"Oh, I know, you are right… maybe you need the chair for your looks and dates more than I do." Phoebe agreed.

"Come on Phoebe, let's pack… If I leave this too long I am going to change my mind."

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_I am going to cry… I can feel myself starting to cry…. A goodbye with Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey all in one afternoon… maybe I should go back and say goodbye to Ross…. No! If I do, I won't leave, I will just end up babbling on about how much I love him and about how much I regret what went wrong between us_

Rachel sighed as she looked into the back of the car where all her belongings were stashed. She then looked out the window and smiled at years of happy memories… but cried at the thought of leaving them behind.

_I know it is the right thing to do… if I don't leave now; I am going to spend the rest of my life regretting it… I need a new start._

Rachel smiled to herself with confidence for a fresh start, ready to enter a new world- Leaving both happy and sad memories behind in New York City and the Coffee house.

Rachel pressed her hands firmly on the steering wheel and then waved goodbye to New York City.

_Goodbye New York… Goodbye Friends and thank you for everything. I am going to miss you like nothing before, but to the future and a fresh start._

Rachel smiled to herself and headed out of the boundary of New York City. Leaving what she thought was the last trace of Ross in her life, behind.

**_ok, second chapter... please tell me what you think of it so far :) The reviews inspire me. Also, thankyou to the people who reviewed my first chapter!! _**


	3. The One Where She Called Them

**The One Where She Called Them **

Rachel looked around her new apartment in the city, hoping that this would be the place where she could spend the next few years of her life in peace.

_This place is beautiful… I am so glad that it is free, it looks so much like Ross' apartment… wait, maybe I shouldn't get it then… all it will do is remind me of Ross… OH! What, he shouldn't be the one who can prevent me from being happy… I can't let memories of him keep me from being happy_

"I will take it" Rachel smiled at the real estate agent and shook his hand.

"That is great, Mrs Greene…" Rachel smiled at the real estate agent.

"Miss Greene." She stated.

"Oh, sorry Miss Greene. Now, I will need you to come down to the office later and sign some things, but you can begin moving your things in now, if you wish. At the office we can arrange frequencies for rent payments as well." Rachel smiled.

"Thank you." The real estate agent nodded and turned to leave.

_This is such an incredible place… the kitchen looks so much like Monica's kitchen… all her wonderful home cooked meals and cleaning frenzies… the bathroom looks like Phoebe's… and the rest of the apartment looks like Ross' place… "WHAT AM I DOING?" _

Rachel sighed and sat down on the lounge, covering her eyes as the tears flowed down her face. Rachel took a deep breath and convinced herself that she was doing the right thing.

_This is what I should be doing… I need a new start… away from Ross… I have had my job at Ralph Lauren shifted to the city… I have a new place… a new car… I can have an entirely new start! If only I could stop regretting the old one that I left behind _

Rachel wiped her eyes, stood up from the lounge and headed out to the car to grab her things. Rachel smiled as she looked at Phoebe's chair, all wrapped up and sitting in the back of the car. Although the house was already furnished, this chair would have a special place of its own. Rachel pulled a large box of all her photo albums and frames out of the car. She flipped through the top few and knew that she would have to make the decision of whether to stash this box away, or keep the memories alive.

_Maybe I should call Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe… just to let them know that I got here okay… but then if I call them, all I will want to do is talk to Ross, and if I do that I will only break down and my regrets will swallow me… but I want to call… just to hear their voices, if I don't… my regrets will probably swallow me anyway… oh, stuff it, I am calling them. _

Rachel pulled her mobile phone off the kitchen bench and dialled in Monica and Chandler's apartment number. The phone rang numerous times and she sighed as she waited for an answer.

_What are you doing? Maybe I should just hang up before they get the chance to answer… I came to the city for a fresh start, not to wallow in my own self pity… I shouldn't call them._

Rachel went to hang up the phone, when Chandler answered.

"Hello?" Chandler stated into the phone, but there was no reply. "Ross, is that you? You are the only one who couldn't be bothered getting your but over here for dinner, so now why are you prank calling?"

"Chandler, it is me Rach." Chandler gasped on the other end of the line.

"Everyone, come quick, it is Rach!" He stated to all the friends, except Ross, and Rachel smiled at the excitement in Chandler's voice. "I will put you on speakerphone, 'ok?" Rachel smiled and nodded.

"Oh, wait… yes. Sorry."

Beep 

Rachel heard the beep of the speakerphone button and smiled as all of Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey said hello.

"Hi guys."

"How you doing?" Joey asked in his normal, seductive voice and Rachel smiled. She sure did miss Joey.

"I am doing good, baby, how you doing?" Joey smiled as Rachel replied.

_Poor Joey… I miss him so much, he was a good friend… they all were… damn! I told myself I wasn't going to cry over this phone call… _

"Rach, since you took my chair I have like been totally date free!" Phoebe told Rachel in a sad voice and Rachel smiled as she looked over at the chair in the corner of the living room.

"Ross doesn't know you have gone yet." Monica stated into the speaker phone and waited for a response.

"Good, I don't want him to be told… he can find out himself, somehow. Mon, have you talked to him about what happened between us?" Rachel sighed and hoped the answer would be a yes; she really needed someone to talk to about it.

_Damn Ross… he is probably locked himself in his apartment, watching stupid goofy dinosaur movies because we broke up… Pfft! You don't like him, yet you can't help but fall in love with him… _

"No, no, I haven't… I guess he has been busy with work or Ben or something. We haven't seen him in a few days." Rachel sighed, her guess was probably right.

"Maybe I should call him and tell him I have left. It would probably be better having our argument over the phone, where we can only hang up… not throw fossils and dangerous objects at each other…" Rachel smiled as she remembered their argument, it was incredibly heated… but she couldn't stop laughing when she threw Ross' prized fossil trophy at the wall and it broke in half. Talk about revenge.

"You should, Rach, he at least deserves an explanation." Rachel nodded to herself.

"Alright guys, well I just wanted to call you and tell you I got here okay… and that I am missing you terribly!" Rachel stated into the phone.

"We miss you too, Rach!" Everyone shouted back into the speaker phone.

"Bye Guys!" She stated but Joey interrupted.

"Wait, Rach, where is it that you are living now?" Rachel sighed, knowing that if she told them where she lived… she would never be able to loosen the connection, she couldn't tell them- she needed her freedom. Rachel sighed and simply hung up the phone.

_I am so sorry guys; I am so sorry Joey… everyone… I need my freedom… you have got to understand that… maybe some other time I will tell you, but right now I need space and time_

Rachel sighed and picked up her phone again. She needed to talk to Ross; this loss of connection was what she wanted… but maybe not what she could handle. Rachel sighed and dialled Ross' number into the keypad.

_Oh dear Goodness, please let him speak to me _

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_**Thankyou so much to everyone who reviewed my last chapters! Ok, new chapter… the part where she moves in is kind of brief… I know, more important details will be discussed later in the story… her moving kind of isn't a really important part of the story… anyway please read and review! I appreciate the feedback greatly. **_


	4. The One Where It Meant Nothing

**The One Where It Meant Nothing**

Rachel sighed and picked up her phone again. She needed to talk to Ross; this loss of connection was what she wanted… but maybe not what she could handle. Rachel sighed and dialled Ross' number into the keypad.

_Oh dear Goodness, please let him speak to me _

Rachel waited and waited for Ross to answer his phone and breathed a sigh of relief when he picked up.

"Hello, Doctor Ross Geller." Rachel smiled with how Ross had answered the phone.

_Maybe I should hang up, that way he can't beat me to it… I hope he doesn't know yet, that will make him hate me even more… no! I need to take a deep breath, after all Ross and I were dating for three years… he at least deserves the truth._

"Are you another one of my students prank calling me over the holidays? This is not funny!" Ross yelled into the phone but Rachel interrupted him.

"Ross, it is me, Rach." Rachel smiled and Ross gasped as he sat down on the lounge.

"Rachel?" Rachel took a deep breath as Ross called her name.

_It sounds so beautiful when he says it, and in that voice… the voice he always used to seduce me, or cheer me up… hmm… maybe I should get a hobby to stop myself worrying. _

"Yeah, it's me Ross." Rachel sighed.

"Why didn't you just come over? I have hidden all my fossils and stuff, so we can't really throw them at each other anymore." Rachel sighed.

_Because Ross… I moved to the city, away from all the fighting and cheating… I guess that he still thinks there might be a chance with us, if he thinks I would come over… lucky I am not there, because I probably would have gone over_

"Never mind, Ross, let's just talk… we need to sort this out properly."Ross sighed and nodded to himself.

"You are right Rach, I need to apologise…" Rachel stopped him.

_Apologise? Ross, it is a bit late for your apologies… I heard enough of those in our fight… and they aren't going to get you anywhere_

"Ross, don't apologise unless you really mean it. Because I am sick of hearing you say you are sorry, when I can't sense that you mean it." Rachel sighed.

"Rach, listen, and this time I am meaning it… I am so sorry. Honestly, I never meant to hurt you... but when you were at home with that guy, I couldn't help but be jealous… so I went out and Chloe happened." Rachel sighed again.

"Ross, regardless of who I was with… if our relationship meant as much to you as you said it did, you shouldn't have slept with her,."

"I know Rach, but I love you so much, and when I thought you were sleeping with someone else I didn't want to torture myself over our break up…. So I put myself in a situation that maybe I couldn't get out of and that now I regret."

"Ross, that is just it, you assumed… I loved you so much, that I wouldn't have slept with someone until we had definitely broken up. Besides, sleeping with someone else wouldn't have made you even, it just made me realise what our relationship meant to you."

"No, Rach, you don't understand… what happened with Chloe was never supposed to happen. It was an accident, a serious of incidents that led up to that night." Rachel sighed as Ross tried to grovel.

_A serious of events? Well, I suppose that is possible… I mean that happened with Monica and Chandler… they weren't a mistake but they were an accident… maybe the night was an accident… but even if it was, clearly Ross meant something with it, because he wouldn't have done it otherwise_

"Well, Monica and Chandler were an accident, but look how happy they are now? If you were so willing to risk our relationship for a night with Chloe… then go and be happy with her. I don't think I can forgive you Ross."

"But, Rachel, I love you so much! I always have and I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix this."

_It is too late Ross, I don't want to be around you anymore… you hurt me so much, regardless of how the night happened it still did happen… I can't forgive you for that, at least not yet. _

"Rachel, why don't you come by my apartment tonight… and we can talk things over. Face to face." Rachel sighed; this was it… the moment she told Ross.

_Because… I moved away… I don't want to see you face to face, I am still in love with you… and seeing you will just hurt me even more… I am sorry_

"Ross, I don't live in New York City anymore, I moved away a few days ago." Ross gasped on the other end of the phone line.

"You moved away because of what happened between us?"

"Yes, Ross, I needed a fresh start… and I wasn't going to get that around my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me."

"But, Rachel, it was one night… It meant nothing!"

"Yeah, well Ross it meant something to me. It meant I couldn't trust you, it meant that you had hurt me in a way that I couldn't forgive you for and it meant the end of our relationship." Rachel stated and took a deep breath.

_Be strong… I can hang up anytime… I just need to be really strong, otherwise I will be back there falling in love with him all over again_

"But, Rach, we have known each other for 8 years… and we dated for 3 years of that, why does night have to ruin it all?"

"Ross it isn't just about the one night, it is about how much you hurt me. With that one night, you ruined those 3 years of trust."

_I miss that trust so much with Ross… it was the best trust that I had with anyone… that, combined with our love, friendship and passion made a mind blowing relationship… I miss that too_

"Look, Rach, I am really sorry… I still love you; I am still in love with you. Please, just come back to New York City and we can talk this over. If you still don't want to be with me then you can go back to the city." Ross pleaded and Rachel tried to stay strong.

"No, Ross…" She paused. "I have been hurt by you enough, I still love you as well, but I am not willing to be hurt all over again. Goodbye Ross." She coldly stated and hung up the phone. Ross sat in his apartment, cradling the phone in his hand and praying for a miracle, praying for Rachel.

_I did it; I hung up the phone… I told him that I had moved away… maybe I am braver than I thought… but that is it… Ross and I are officially over. So, why do I feel so empty? I wish I could just get over him, he was the love of my life… he was the person I trusted the most, yet the person who broke my trust in the worst way… how does that work?_

Rachel sighed as she stared out the window of her new place, as well praying for Ross and praying for someway to still have him in her memories and in her life, but not to have him as a person. Little did she know that soon enough she would find out that Ross would now be in her life forever.

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_Ok, please tell me what you think… I wanted to make this chapter more dramatic… but the main focus was Rachel saying a proper goodbye to Ross and her being strong… please read and review! I love the feedback so far, it is awesome! Thankyou_


	5. The One Where He Realised

**Thankyou ****Donna-Marie for your review of my last chapter, it was great! I really appreciated you criticising both the positives and negatives, thankyou! **

**This chapter is basically dedicated to Ross' opinions, because I have been focusing a lot on Rachel and I don't want to be one sided 'cause he counts a lot too! **

**Oh, and this time… it will be his thoughts in italics **

**Oh, plus, hopefully the cliff-hanger will be solved in the next chapter**

**The One Where He Realised**

Ross walked past the Coffee house and saw his friends sitting inside; he took a deep breath and stepped inside.

_I wonder if they knew… I can't believe she is gone, I really thought that we could work things out_

"Hey guys." He showed a small smile and sat down.

"How are you, Ross?" Monica asked.

_Honestly? I feel like crap… I didn't realise that what I did hurt her so much, now I am never going to get her back…_

"I am ok." He sighed. "Rachel called." Monica nodded.

"We know, honey." Monica leant in and gave her brother a hug. "I am sorry." Ross sighed.

"She left me… we didn't just break up, she moved away…." Ross drifted in and out of conversation and Joey butted in.

"Hey Ross, do you want to come to one of my episode run throughs?" Ross smiled at the thought but then leant back in the chair.

"Or I could give you a massage!" Phoebe butted in. Chandler looked around at everyone offering and sighed.

"Well I mean… my office isn't much fun, but I guess we could go to one of those dinosaur film things later." Monica smiled and patted Chandler's knee.

"Careful honey, he might actually make you go to one." Chandler looked at Monica with his 'are you serious' face and sighed.

_I Miss Rachel… the group just isn't the same without her… everything was so much better when she was in the room… I didn't even realise how lucky I was to have her, that is until I lost her_

"Mon, I just feel like… like my heart has been ripped out… I would trade all the fossils and all the artefacts in the world to just take back what happened between us." Ross sighed and Chandler piped up.

"I know you would, Ross." She leant in and hugged him again.

"If say… Joey or I left, would you trade us your play station?" Ross smiled.

"Nice try, Chandler. You aren't getting it." Ross sighed and took another deep breath. Chandler clicked his fingers and sighed.

"Damn it!" he paused. "I tried Joe, I really did try." Joey smiled and whispered that it was ok.

_Maybe I just need time alone… to think about things… to wallow in my own self pity… I can't believe she left me… "Ross and Rachel" have always still had a chance at fixing things up, but not now… I mean, I don't even know where she went!! _

"Mon, I am going to head off… I need time. Bye guys." Ross simply stated and walked out the door of the coffee house. The only person he wanted to talk to right now was Rachel, and he knew that wasn't possible.

_Her beautiful face, it is all I want to see right now… I wish she was back here, I wish we could spend another night just talking about everything… I wish I had never slept with Chloe. What an idiot, I should have known if Rachel found out she would never forgive me. I just love her so much and would do anything to take back what happened between us._

Ross sighed and smiled as he looked into the Laundromat across the street, the place where he and Rachel had first kissed.

_That was an amazing kiss; all our feelings of the past years were summed up in that one kiss… from high school… from everything. I feel like absolute crap, the only woman that I have fallen this hard for is gone out of my life, because of a stupid meaningless night with some girl from someplace. How stupid? I lost my Rachel over one night with a woman, and I don't even know who she is or where she is from. Trust me to make such a stupid decision. _

Ross buttoned up his coat and tucked his hands into his pockets as he cleared his throat, trying to focus on something else than Rachel. The news of her moving to the city was just consuming him, and he couldn't help it. Rachel truly was the only woman that he had ever really, truly loved.

_Even when we fought, it was good because I still got to spend time with her and get to know all the different sides of her personality… never was our love questioned for each other in the time that we were together, from the beginning we knew we were in love… but from the beginning I knew if I ever cheated on her it would be over… yeah, maybe next time I might have the heads up to pay attention. _

Ross sighed again and took a huge deep breath. He needed to try and forget, she wasn't coming back… as much as he didn't want to give up, he couldn't spend his whole life waiting for her to realise that she was still in love with him (if that was still true) he needed to fall out of love with her.

_I must forget, I must be strong… the memories with her are the best that I have ever had, the laughs, the talks, the fights, the sex… everything was part of my amazing time with her and I wouldn't take any of It back… not now, not ever… not for anything… the only persons time that I would take back would be the time I spent with Chloe… man! I am beating myself up about it… well, my life has sure _

_taken an interesting turn… my ex-girlfriend, whom I cheated on, hates me, moved away and I am still desperately and hopelessly in love with her. Great, maybe I should write a book._

Ross sighed and realised what he had to do. He loved Rachel, he knew that for sure, nothing would ever change that… and he knew that he needed to fight to get her back, he couldn't give up… not on what they had. It was certainly worth fighting for. He would do everything in his power and in his conscience to try and win Rachel, the love of his life, back.

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_How does it sound to you? I am not quite sure about it, because I am not used to writing Ross' thoughts… but I thought I might give it a go. Please read and review, reviews are certainly taken into consideration. _

_NEXT CHAPTER: Chapter 4 "cliff hanger" revealed _


	6. The One Where She Took The Test

**The One Where She Took the Test **

Rachel sighed to herself as she walked along the street towards the shops. Her conversation with Ross hadn't gone overly well the other day, although it was she who hung up on him, she couldn't help but feel guilty about it.

_Poor Ross, maybe I was just a little bit harsh on him… no! He cheated on me, how is hanging up on him harsh compared to that? _

Rachel rubbed her forehead as she just became more and more confused about Ross.

_We dated for 3 years, should I really judge one night out of that to be the end? Wait, Rachel… what is wrong with you? You know that what he did was wrong and you are perfectly happy with the decision to leave him._

Rachel walked along, wondering why she had been so moody lately. She knew she was angry at Ross, but that couldn't be it. Rachel gasped and connected the dots.

_I am late, and I have been really moody and really hormonal lately… it couldn't be, could it? _

Rachel closed her eyes and put her hands together. Rachel suddenly felt sick in the stomach and leant over to throw up in the side bin.

_Oh no, here comes the morning sickness… wait! Maybe I am just reading a little too much into this, it could be a coincidence, I mean I do have a reason to be moody and hormonal at Ross and I didn't have much to eat yesterday… _

Rachel continued walking along the street and past lots of shops, until she saw a pharmacy.

_I am going in… If I take the test, and it is positive then I will know for sure…I mean a baby! How exciting would that be... me and Ross? Having a baby together? It is something I have always wanted_

Rachel sighed and shook her head of thoughts of Ross; if she was having a baby she would do it without him. Rachel stepped inside the pharmacy and looked around for the pregnancy section.

_This isn't so bad… at least i have something to look forward too if i am pregnant… i only wish Ralph Lauren made maternity clothes_

Rachel leant over and read all the various packets of pregnancy tests. She picked up the box which read 'Mum to be?'

_Hmm… I guess that is really the question… sooner or later i will have to find out somehow, and i think i rather sooner than later... i am going to be a Mum! _

Rachel walked up to the counter and placed the box down on the bench. The chemist smiled at her.

"Having a baby, are we?" She questioned and giggled at Rachel.

Rachel sighed and coldly replied. "I don't know, if I did… I wouldn't be taking the test."

The chemist nodded at her. "Oh, good point! Who is the lucky guy?"

Rachel sighed at the chemist's annoying and interrogating questions. "Can I please just pay for this?"

_Lady, if I am pregnant I get extremely moody and extremely hormonal, I wouldn't be messing with me if I knew what was good for me_

The chemist sighed. "I guess it isn't a love child, then? Most Mum's to be want to talk about their baby." She said.

_Love child? Well, I suppose when it was conceived it was a love child… and I still love Ross... It isn't like i would ever get pregnant off some stranger, my Dad wouldn't be at all impressed _

Rachel handed over the money and the chemist put the box in a paper bag. "I guess it doesn't matter, and I am not most Mum's." Rachel moodily replied again.

"I don't reckon you need to take the test, you are glowing already!" The chemist happily stated.

"Thanks, but I want to be sure." Rachel replied, then grabbed the box and headed out the door.

_Phew… this is it, once I get home I will take the test… and find out if I am pregnant… too bad if i want to celebrate the champagne is off the menu, but it will be worth it_

Rachel looked around at all the shops and turned to head home, she wasn't really in the mood for shopping anymore.

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Rachel sat in the lounge room with the 'Mum to be?' box sitting on top of the TV unit. She sat there staring at it, still to nervous to actually open the box and take the test.

_I should just take it, pretend I don't know what I am doing and focus my mind on other things… like Ross… wait, maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea… I could just focus on work or something… then when it changes colour, I will be too curious not to look and then I will know if I am having a baby… hmm, seems fool proof enough, maybe not Rachel proof though…_

Rachel still sat in the lounge chair eyeing the pregnancy test, but trying to focus her mind on other things before she took the test.

_JUST TAKE THE TEST! I should, then I will know for sure and I can make sure i am not getting my hopes up for nothing... oh, a baby!! _

Rachel stood up, grabbed the pregnancy test from the top of the TV unit and headed into the bathroom. After five minutes she came back out, sat the tube on top of the TV unit again and simply watched and waited.

This was the moment that would change her life forever, the moment when she would discover whether or not she would be having a baby with the man she loved, yet the man who cheated on her, Ross Geller.

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ok_, so how does it sound? I know it is kind of a lot about her conscience… but I wanted to wait to reveal if she is pregnant or not (although you already know). Please read and review._


	7. The One Where It Was Blue

_Changes: I have changed a lot about the reasons they took a break and the settings. Here they are:_

_- They just celebrated their 3 year anniversary and were both feeling really overwhelmed_

_- Ross was really busy with Ben as a new baby and he was having a lot of trouble keeping up with work so stayed back late a lot and spent a lot of time at Carol's house looking after Ben_

_- Rachel worked at the Coffee house and was trying to get a job at Ralph Lauren, so was working really hard with searching for jobs and trying to be successful in her application consumed a lot of her free time_

_-Since they were both so busy, they both felt that their work was putting a lot of extra strain on their relationship and they didn't want to feel pressured to commit themselves fully to each other when they were both so busy- so they decided to take a break but both agreed notto see other people, because it was only a BREAK from each other until they were past this really busy part in their work etc. _

_Sorry if this is a bit complex, but I don't want to leave any gaps in my version of the storyline_

_Having said that, the reason that they took a break is not really overly important, but just wanted to fill you in incase you were confused about some of the things i have said in this chapter. _

**The One Where It Was Blue**

Rachel took a deep breath and stood up, it had been just over five minutes from when she had taken the pregnancy test and the tube would have hopefully changed colour by now.

_This is it… please be blue… blue means I am having a baby… please change colour_

Rachel closed her eyes and stepped forward to pick up the pregnancy test tube.

"Blue!" She screamed and a huge smile spread across her face.

_I am going to be a Mum!! (Mom). I can't believe it, Ross and I are having a baby together… I have wanted to be a mother for so long… and now I finally am going to be a Mum._

Rachel smiled to herself, it all finally added up. Her hormones, her nausea, her moods… it all pointed to pregnancy. She was going to be a Mum! Rachel went through thoughts of the baby's paternity in her head; she still couldn't believe it.

_If only Ross was still in my life, if only we were happy and Chloe had never happened… but after all he has done to me, I can't believe that I still want him as my child's father… but I guess there couldn't really be anyone else better suited, I mean Ross is an amazing person.. and decent and I love him, so if anyone has to be the father of my baby it might as well be Ross, and I guess if maternity wear for Ralph Lauren comes in, Ross will be very supportive of my need to wear it and my fashion sense… as well as sticking by me when my hormones are raging _

Rachel smiled as she remembered their 3rd year anniversary; Ross had bought her a massive collection of Ralph Lauren wear- he even bought her a beautiful floor length black dress for the Thanksgiving dinner to be held later that year, which now she would now completely miss out on.

_Oh goodness… I have to tell him about the baby! But how can I? I just told him that I wouldn't be able to forgive him, and he knows I moved away because I wanted a fresh start… what will it seem like if suddenly I ring and tell him "hey, Ross, I want you back in my life because I am having your baby!" Yeah right, I don't even think that he wants to talk to me anymore_

Rachel sighed and slumped herself back onto the bed. She had been in the city for 3 weeks now. But a month ago, she had been with Ross more than three years, was living in New York, had a bunch of great friends close to her, certainly was not going to be a mother and was most of all happy. But ever since the thing with Ross had happened, her life had changed drastically. She was now single, pregnant, living in a completely different place; alone while her friends stayed in New York and 

certainly not happy. She knew one thing for sure, as crazy as it seemed, she missed Ross. She missed being in love with a man that she could trust with her life.

_Damn Chloe, she stole my Ross from me… I guess I am just being stupid though, it isn't Chloe's fault... Ross didn't trust me with Mark, after 3 years, he still didn't trust the fact that I would never do something like that; something that I knew would hurt him… I know moving away hurt him, but that was different. _

Rachel sighed, her relationship with Ross was now so complicated, it wasn't simple at all; it was a love-hate, friends-enemies, trust-lies and parent-child now.

_I miss the first days of our friendship and relationship… the days where we were still getting to know each other in a different light, in a different vulnerability… but in simplicity. DAMN! Why does life have to be so complicated?_

Rachel sighed again and smiled when she looked down at her stomach. There wasn't any extremely obvious physical signs of a baby yet, anything other than a slight swollen stomach, but she knew- both from her instinct and the pregnancy test- that her and Ross' little baby was inside her.

Rachel rubbed her hand up and down her stomach and began to talk to her baby. "Don't worry sweetie, I guess for the minute it is just going to be you and me. We can have a simple life together, maybe one day you can get to know your Dad. But your Dad hurt me." Rachel paused and whispered. "Please be a girl… they make a lot more baby clothes for girls at Ralph Lauren." Rachel smiled as she imagined her little baby dressed in Ralph Lauren, her baby was going to be the most fashionable baby ever.

Rachel took a deep breath in and clutched her stomach.

_Not the morning sickness again… damn baby! You had better be cute for all the pain you are causing me… but I guess you are Ross' baby; of course you are going to be attractive… _

Rachel vomited up into the bath tub and leant her head on her hand.

_I am so glad I am experiencing pregnancy with Ross' baby; it makes the thought of having a baby so much better knowing it is with him… wait! What am I thinking? I can't still be glad Ross is the father… it is crazy, I don't want my baby to be a cheater… not that it will be, hmm… maybe I should stop making excuses and just tell Ross… but then he will be involved in my life forever, is that really what I want?_

Rachel leant over and vomited again into the bathtub.

_I wonder how far through the pregnancy I am… I mean, it was at least a month ago when Ross and I last slept together…I think it was our anniversary… our anniversary was 8 weeks ago, that was the last time they had slept together, Ross had been busy and so had I…we were winding down a bit from our anniversary and that was when I decided that we should take a new break… _

Rachel dropped her jaw as she realised that since their anniversary was 8 weeks ago and she had only been in the city for 3 weeks, been fighting with Ross the week before, been on a break the week before that and been distant for the two weeks before that; becoming distant the week After their

anniversary. That meant that she and Ross hadn't slept together for at least 3 weeks when they were still dating. A record for them.

_So, it must be eight weeks… wow, and I didn't notice until now… hmm, strange. I guess the whole thing with Ross made me a little bit distracted… I am surprised I don't have a huge baby bump yet, thank goodness I don't other wise Ross probably would have noticed it when I was still living there… I guess if we both knew what I know now about the baby when we separated, or took a break, it probably wouldn't have happened… we would still be together… if only we hadn't separated; we would be becoming a family_

Rachel ran her hand over her slight baby bump and smiled; if her calculations were correct she would be having her own little baby in 32 weeks, roughly 8 months.

She made up her mind about Ross, she wasn't going to tell him; he didn't need to know. It was her baby, she could do it independently and she didn't need the pain of Ross in her life just now, not until she was completely over him.

"You are going to be my little baby, just you and your Mum here in the big city. I love you so much." Rachel smiled and placed her hand gently on her baby. "I love you, even though I don't know you yet. I will always love you." She smiled again and patted her stomach, she felt the same way about Ross, that she would always love him.

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_Ok, wondering how this chapter sounds… please read and review! Oh, and do you guys mind which gender the baby is going to be? I haven't decided yet, but wondering if you guys have any preferences… not that it really matters. The baby's gender will be important after I decide it, 'because it can be incorporated either way into the story line. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter._

_Reviews are greatly appreciated! _


	8. The One With The Gardens Apartment Block

**The One With The Gardens Apartment Block**

Ross walked up the stairs and towards Monica and Chandler's apartment, he felt like crap. He hadn't eaten or slept at all well for the past few days and he missed Rachel like crazy.

_I need to see her, I can't have her disappear out of my life like this when I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye._

Ross sighed and knocked on the door.

_If only this was still Rachel's apartment and she was still living here… I would be knocking and going in to seduce her, not to mope with my friends because my ex-girlfriend moved away_

Monica answered the door and looked pitifully at Ross. "Ross, you look terrible. Come in." Monica welcomed Ross and he stepped inside. Ross looked around and everyone, but Rachel, was sitting around the room watching the TV.

_I feel terrible… Rachel isn't here, how can we still be smiling and having fun when she isn't here? When she has moved away? We didn't even end on good terms; all the years of our relationships were officially ended by a phone call… I have to see her…_

Ross looked around at everyone. "Hi guys." He said and slumped himself down on the couch.

"Ross, have you eaten?" Monica questioned.

Ross shook his head. "Not since yesterday." He replied.

"Here, I will serve you some of the chicken." She stated and stuck her head in the fridge.

_Chicken… great, that will make me feel so much better. Actually, I wish it would… the only thing that will is seeing Rachel again _

Ross suddenly had an idea and looked over at Monica. "Hey Mon, did Rachel tell you where she moved to?" Ross questioned.

Monica shook her head and placed the chicken on the table. "No, she didn't… why?"

Ross sighed. "There goes my idea, I want to go and see her."

Monica gasped. "Wait, Ross, I do know that umm… she always wanted to move to that apartment block …" Monica paused and looked over at Phoebe. "That apartment block, what was it called?"

Phoebe blinked at Monica. "Umm, it was called the I have no idea." She nodded and Monica rolled her eyes.

"Hello, it was called the Gardens Apartment Block." Joey obviously replied.

Monica looked curiously at Joey. "The Gardens Apartment Block that is it!" She paused. "But wait, how do you know that Joey?"

Joey replied. "Hello! I am a Tribbiani!" he paused. "Okay, it is right above the burger shop on 57th street and Rachel showed me it once. " Joey stated and everyone nodded.

Ross sat up with excitement. "The Gardens Apartment block? You say that she always wanted to live there? That is on the other side of town, isn't it?" Ross questioned.

"Yes, it is Ross. Since she moved here she did always want to live there, she thought that it was just beautiful and she said that if she ever left she would go there."Monica paused again. "But Ross, don't get your hopes up, I didn't say that she definitely moved there."

Ross nodded and stood up from the chair with a new burst of energy. "I am going to go to the real estate agent and see if a Rachel Green has moved in recently. I might actually get to say a proper good-bye to her."

"Ross, just be careful! She left because she didn't want to be with you anymore, so don't go confusing her." Monica replied and placed her hands on her hips as Ross headed out the door.

Ross ran along the street, past the coffee house, past his apartment block and down the road to the real estate agent. Ross caught his breath and, as professionally as he could, stepped inside. Ross walked over to the counter, trying to seem natural and relaxed.

"Hm-hmm." He cleared his throat and waited for the agent to reply.

"Good afternoon, sir, how may I help you?" The agent smiled at him.

"Well, I was wondering if you could tell me if a Miss Rachel Green has recently used your services to move into The Gardens Apartment Block on 57th street, could you tell me?" Ross casually questioned.

The agent behind the desk smiled at Ross and pulled out a huge book from under the desk. "Well, how long ago did she move?"

Ross rubbed his head in frustration, he couldn't remember, the last few weeks had been a complete blur. "Umm… maybe about a month."

The real estate agent nodded. "Ok, well, I can tell you… it doesn't appear so." She paused and put the book back under the desk. "You may have to check with the buildings receptionist."

Ross nodded, yelled thankyou and headed out the door before getting into a taxi.

Ross took a deep breath as he approached the large apartment block, the Garden Apartment Block, before heading inside to the receptionist (after first paying the taxi driver).

"Hello, umm… could you tell me if a Miss Rachel Green lives in this building?" Ross questioned and the receptionist nodded.

"Yes, she moved in 3 weeks ago. She lives on floor 12, apartment 2b." The receptionist replied. "If you wish to visit her, I will need a name, so I can beep her."

Ross nodded and paused for a second. "My name is Joey Tribbiani, tell her I have come to say hello." The receptionist nodded and spoke into the intercom.

"Joey, she says you can go right on up. She was hoping you might drop by." She stated.

Ross nodded, thanked the receptionist and took a deep breath in. He was finally going to see Rachel. He had found her; the first place he and the Friends had thought to look was where she was. He guessed that they all knew Rachel better than she thought they did. Maybe she thought that none of them would remember where she had always wanted to move to.

Ross breathed in again and knocked his fist hard against the door. He could hear a rattle inside and Rachel heading towards the door. On the other side of the door, Rachel smiled- she was so excited that she was going to see Joey, she was glad that they had seen the apartment together that one time.

Rachel pulled open the door. "Joey!" She screamed, but dropped her jaw when she saw the oh so familiar face of the man she didn't want to see, Ross Geller. "Ross, what are you doing here?" She stood, blocking the doorway, and glancing at this man in front of her. Every motivating thought that she had told herself about getting over him had now gone down the drain.

"Rachel, we need to talk." Ross stated and stepped inside the door. Rachel had no idea what she was going to say to the father of her child; the man that she was in love with.

Ross stepped inside and looked over at Rachel; she smiled at him and had a sudden urge to kiss him. Rachel looked over at Ross and pushed him against the wall before passionately embracing her lips in his. She had no idea what she was doing, her hormones were sending her crazy. But she did know that right at that moment- to her- it felt right.

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_Ok guys… so please tell me what you think, parts of it are kind of confusing and don't really match up… but I wanted to get this over and done with in one chapter. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! By the way, sorry that it isn't as up to scratch as some of my other chapters… I have so much homework etc to do and I don't mean to let you down on some of the details, so sorry! _


	9. The One With The Morning After

**The One With The Morning After**

Rachel pushed herself up against Ross' body and kissed him. Ross ran his hand under Rachel's shirt while kissing her neck and paused.

"Rach, are you sure you want this?" Rachel stopped kissing Ross and gasped for breath.

"Shut up and make love to me." Ross smiled at Rachel and she smiled back and Ross slid off Rachel's shirt as they headed into her bedroom.

"It has been so long Rach. We had the best sex, ever!" Ross replied and Rachel kissed his neck and collarbone as she unbuttoned his shirt.

"Too long, Ross. Way too long." She replied.

Ross leant his chin down and ran his lips lightly over Rachel's chest as he unhooked her bra. "Are you going to regret this in the morning?" Ross asked as Rachel moaned and shook her head.

"I don't know what the morning will bring, but right now i want to make love to you, Ross Geller." Rachel replied and Ross slipped his pants off.

The pair passionately made love that night, leaving Chloe and their arguments outside the door.

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Rachel sighed as she rolled over and widened her eyes when she realised what had happened the night before.

_I slept with Ross… ROSS AND I SLEPT TOGETHER? Oh gosh, that is how this baby happened in the first place. Why in my right mind did I sleep with him? Am I going crazy? I know my hormones are everywhere… but this is just way too far…_

Rachel stepped up off the bed and pulled the sheet off Ross whilst wrapping it around her. Ross slightly stirred and she crept out of the room.

_I must admit… it has only been about 2 months… but man, I did miss the sex… crazily enough, I moved to the other side of the city so I could be away from him, so I could get over him… but last night changed everything, I have made absolutely no progress into getting over him… let alone telling him about our baby_

Rachel gasped as she saw Ross walk into the kitchen. He smiled at her and sat down. Rachel simply turned around, continued cooking breakfast and ignored him.

_What do I do? What do I do? I can't kick him out and tell him last night was great, but I still want nothing to do with him… I can't tell him about the baby because then he will probably kick himself out… how complicated._

"How did you sleep, sweetie?" Ross asked.

Rachel smiled at him and turned around. "I slept fine."

"So, do you want to talk yet?" Ross asked as Rachel handed him bacon and eggs.

Rachel let a tear roll down her face and bravely wiped it off. "Not yet, right now... both of us will say things we will regret. It is too early." She replied.

"What did you think of last night?" Ross asked.

Rachel cringed at the thought of the mistake that she had made the night before. "It was... um... good."

Ross burst out in to a smile. "It was incredible for me, amazing!" Ross grinned and Rachel shook her head, then continued cooking breakfast. "I have missed you, Rach."

Ross smiled and leant up to kiss Rachel but she pulled away. "Wait, Rach, didn't last night mean anything for you?"

Rachel sighed and took in a deep breath. "Of course it did Ross, and it was amazing… but I can't have you coming back into my life all the time and simply wanting to be the perfect Ross, wanting to be my perfect Ross."

"Rachel, I love you, I don't want to be perfect… I always will love you, that is all there is to it." Ross stood up and went to wrap his arms around Rachel, but she pushed him away.

_He always will love me? Maybe love just isn't enough… maybe I need more than that in my life… maybe I don't just need love, maybe I need trust, friendship, a good father for my baby… _

"Ross, as much as I still love you, I am not ready to forgive you. Love isn't always enough; things are always much more complicated." Rachel replied and placed her hand on her stomach, wishing she could share this parenting experience with Ross but somehow not wanting to.

_If I tell him… he is going to be in my life forever… when I want space, he will never be able to give it to me… and then I will have to marry him, because we promised that if we ever had a child together we would be married to make it a good life for the child… and obviously because we were in love we meant it…_

"Rach, we can try and sort this out! One night with Chloe doesn't change everything we had together. I am so sorry, what else can I do?" Ross asked impatiently.

_Start by not sleeping with her… maybe moving in with me when you find out about the baby… wait? What? I really have to get the perfect family image out of my head…_

"No, Ross, we are over. Things are so much more complicated now." She replied.

"Complicated, complicated how?" Ross questioned.

Rachel took a deep breath, preparing herself to tell Ross- but stopped at the last moment. She wasn't ready to share the experience with him. "Just complicated."

"Rachel, why can't you trust me? I had one night with Chloe, and now you won't even tell me about why your life has become 'complicated'!" Ross stood up from the chair and began yelling.

Rachel replied, with just as much attitude as Ross had in his voice. "Because, maybe I don't want to trust you! Maybe I am afraid that you can't handle the responsibility and maybe I am afraid that you will be back in my life forever and I will never get the chance to get over you!" She paused and Ross butted in.

"Maybe you should learn to forget the past and accept it when someone says they are sorry for something that they regret!" Ross replied.

"Yeah well, Ross, after three years of dating you couldn't even trust me not to do anything with Mark." Rachel stubbornly responded.

"Rachel, we were on a break then! We both know that anything that happened then was a mistake!" Ross replied and Rachel wiped the now flowing tears from her eyes.

"Ross, I just can't forgive you for that. It hasn't been long and trying to get over you is hard enough with out you waltzing back in here and trying to sweep me off my feet. Last night was a mistake, we both know it." Rachel replied and chucked the frying pan into the sink.

"Rachel, it wasn't a mistake for me. It meant the world to me, I thought it was forgiveness. You shouldn't just sleep with someone if you still don't want them in your life and if you still can't forgive them." Ross yelled back.

"Ross, believe me... i want you back in my life, but i need to forgive you first!" Rachel paused. "Ross, i love you so much... but i can't forgive you right now!"

"See, Rachel? Love? Love is all that we need." Ross leant over and kissed Rachel on the cheek and she smiled at him.

"Yes, Ross, Love... but we can't simply build a relationship on love. We need much more."

"Please Rachel, just a chance... i didn't come here to beg to you, i came here to say goodbye. But after last night, that can't be it for us!" Ross replied.

"Look, Ross, i don't know!" Rachel paused and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Maybe that is it for us, maybe we really are over."

"You don't really believe that do you?" Ross questioned, with pleading eyes.

Rachel pondered on Ross' question and then responded. "No, i don't think that is it for us... i love you Ross, but right now we need time apart. Right now i can't forgive you and i don't want you in my life." Rachel hoped that she sounded convincing enough, right at that point in time she didn't know if that was it for them- she didn't think she ever would.

"Rachel, i can make us work! I know i can... please just give me a chance. If you didn't think that we had a chance, then why did last night happen? Why did you sleep with me if we were completely over?" Ross questioned.

"Maybe I slept with you… maybe… because…" Rachel paused and thought to herself.

_Maybe because my hormones are raging because I am pregnant with your baby! Surprise… no, during an argument was definitely not the best time to tell Ross he was the father of her baby, not that he even knew she was pregnant._

"Look Ross, I thought I wanted something last night… but now I realise that I don't want it anymore than I did yesterday morning. You shouldn't have come here, I need you to leave." Rachel coldly replied and tried to hold back her tears.

_I am so sorry Ross… I love you so much, but I can't have you in my life because I can't forget what happened with Chloe… this little baby is going to be my beautiful baby, maybe one day 'yours' too, but for now… I will raise this baby by myself… _

Ross stood up, grabbed his belongings and headed for the door. Rachel sighed as she watched him open the apartment door. Ross turned around and Rachel wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I guess this really is goodbye then." Ross paused. "Rachel, I have never loved anyone as much as I loved you." And with that Ross slammed the door shut and Rachel burst into tears. As she leant against the back of the apartment door, the tears flowed down her face.

"I haven't either Ross." Rachel replied in a whisper and let her head sink into her hands as she cried like she had never cried before. She knew now that she wanted Ross in her life, she believed that she needed him... maybe, she thought to herself, the only way she could have Ross in her life would be to tell him about the baby, about their baby.

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_Ok, so what do you think? Please read and review! I know it is a bit depressing and I skipped you out a bit on the details of them making love, but I really don't think I am old enough to write about that yet… but wait till Ross finds out about the baby!! _

_PS: I know most of my readers hate the parts where Ross and Rachel are separated, but soon they will be together again!_


	10. The One With My Ben

**The One With "My Ben"**

Rachel sighed as she looked down at her only slightly pregnant belly.

_My beautiful baby is sitting inside there… what a mess I am making between me and Ross… I should really just move on or sort things out…_

Rachel grabbed her handbag and headed out of the apartment, she needed some fresh air.

_The walk will do me good… I can think over my relationship with Ross and work things out… hopefully_

Rachel stepped out of the apartment building and onto the cold and windy street of New York City. Looking from side to side she buttoned up her coat and turned right.

_The fresh air is doing me good… although I still can't help but think of Ross… maybe it would just be best if I moved on. He left the apartment that morning and I think the conversation between us signaled an end… Ross and I are officially over. _

Rachel kept walking down the street, smiling at the shopping centre across the road as she waited for the traffic to pass on her way to the shopping centre.

_Some retail therapy might do me some good… I reckon I should start getting some maternity clothes soon too… hopefully they have a Ralph Lauren outlet store_

Rachel stepped inside the warmth of the shopping centre and pulled her credit card out of her purse. This was the one thing today that would make her feel better about herself.

_Ahh… clothes, shops… Ross… money, bags… Ross…._

Rachel shook her head as Ross' name kept popping up

"Ahh, Bloomingdales!" Rachel smiled as she headed across the centre to her favorite boutique.

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Rachel spent hours simply browsing through the contents of each of her favorite boutiques and shops. Her mind racing with thoughts of what could have been between her and Ross.

Rachel clutched all her shopping bags in both hands and headed out the door; she needed to go home. It was almost lunch time. Rachel stepped out of the shop, accidently running into someone while her shopping bags fell absolutely everywhere.

Rachel couldn't handle it, she broke down in tears. All her hormones went crazy and she was a mess.

"I… ma'am, I am so sorry." The gentlemen standing in front of her quickly apologized and picked up her bags for her.

"That… is ok." Rachel took a deep breath in. "I just have a lot on my mind at the moment…"

"Well, I will help you take these bags to your car… and then do you want to get a coffee together?" The gentlemen asked.

"That… umm… would be nice." Rachel smiled at him. "I walked here though."

"That is ok; we can drop them back to your apartment. How far away do you live?" He asked.

_A stranger? In my apartment block? Hmm… oh well, maybe the excitement will take my mind of things. _

"Umm… I live at the Garden's apartment block." Rachel replied.

"Me too… I tell you what, we will drop these bags to your apartment… and then there is this great coffee shop on the other side of the city. It only takes about 20 minutes to get there, but it is beautiful scenery… that might help clear your head." He replied.

_Good… someone to talk to and a new side to the city, I like this guy already_

"That sounds great." She smiled, and the two of them headed up to her apartment with the large mass of shopping bags.

Rachel puffed as they reached the top of the stairs to her apartment. "That is a killer walk."

Rachel smiled. "Tell me about it."

Rachel popped the key in the lock and pushed the door open; the man followed in behind her and put her bags down on the couch.

"Do you want a drink?" Rachel asked.

"No thanks, let's go and get coffee." He replied. "We could catch the subway onto the other side of the city."

Rachel nodded. "Okay, let's be spontaneous." She paused. "Goodness knows I need the excitement in my life."

_Excitement… of course I lack that in my life… between my boyfriend cheating on me, an unplanned pregnancy, and a new place to live and a complete mistake of a night… I have no excitement in my life. _

Rachel sarcastically said to herself.

He smiled. "I am Ben, by the way."

Rachel smiled as she stuck out his hand, she shook it. "I am Rachel."

He smiled. "That is pretty."

Rachel blushed and they headed back down the apartment stairs, down the road and down to the subway.

"How long have you lived in New York for?" Ben asked her.

"Umm…. A few years now." She paused. "I have only lived on this side of the city for a few months; my friends live on the other side."

_Please don't ask why I moved away… it could get awkward if I babble on for too long_

"Why did you move away from them all?" Ben asked, but then paused. "Sorry, I don't mean to be intrusive… I have a bad habit of that."

Rachel smiled. "No that is ok." She paused. "I used to date one of the guys in my friendship group… if that is what you would call it." She paused again. "Anyway, we had a nasty break up… so I moved over this side of the city." Ben nodded and Rachel spoke up again. "But don't worry about my boring story, tell me about yourself."

Ben smiled at her as they stepped on to the subway and began heading to the other side of the city. "Well, I have lived in New York my whole life… in the Gardens Apartment block. My Mum and I lived together for years, but she passed away from cancer and to honor her memory I stayed living where we had all our memories together."

"Wow, I am so sorry." Rachel said but Ben shook his head.

"Don't worry about it…" he paused. "I meet beautiful, sexy women in the building all the time."

_Me? Beautiful and sexy? In a balloon kind of way… maybe._

Rachel smiled at Ben. "What do you do for a living?"

Ben blushed. "Oh, I am sorry…" Rachel began, but Ben interrupted her.

"No, that is okay… I am actually a hairdresser." Ben said and Rachel looked at him, checking he was being serious.

"Wow… that is an umm… interesting profession." Rachel replied and Ben smiled at her.

"I know, well… I am a manager of a hair dressing shop. It used to be my Mum's."

Rachel nodded at him and they both stepped out of the carriage onto the platform and headed across the street.

"Here it is." Ben said, and Rachel gasped as he pointed across the road at the Central Perk. "Are you okay?"

Rachel nodded. "I am fine, my umm… you know that guy I was telling you about? The one that I had a nasty break up with? He normally spends his weekends in there with my other friends." Rachel replied.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, come on… I have to face him at some point in time."

Ben and Rachel stepped inside the coffee house and Ross turned around.

"Rachel?"

Rachel coughed awkwardly and hung her coat near the door.

"Rachel, who is this?" Ross asked with agitation.

"Ross, meet Ben, Ben this is Ross. The one I was telling you about." Rachel said.

Ben nodded and Ross awkwardly shook his hand, and then turned to Rachel.

"Are you already seeing other people? Didn't the other night mean anything?" Ross asked.

"Oh… umm… no, we aren't…" Ben began speaking but Rachel interrupted him.

_Maybe if I say yes… Ross will start to move on too, we are just hurting each other by staying single… this will make it better_

"Yes, this is Ben. This is my Ben. My beautiful boyfriend." Rachel replied and then kissed Ben's cheek while entwining her fingers in his.

Ross dropped his jaw at her. "Rachel, are we really over?"

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_Okay… so please read and review… sorry for the wait in updating… and also, this could be the last chapter for a while…. I am not sure yet! _


	11. The One With The Date Competition

**The One with the Date competition**

Rachel looked over at Ross and nodded. "Yes, Ross… I have moved on."

Ross gaped at Rachel and then smiled; he had the perfect idea how to make himself look fool-proof. "Oh, good, I am over you too." Ross paused. "I just wanted to check if we were moving on, I have already."

Rachel dropped her jaw at Ross; she hadn't planned for him to fight back. "Oh yeah, well… I would like to meet this mysterious, lucky girl."

"Umm… err… well, she umm… is…" Ross paused; if he was going to fight back at Rachel he needed proof. "My girlfriend is Phoebe."

Phoebe looked up from where she was sitting on the couch and whispered to Monica. "In his dreams." Phoebe said.

"Phoebe, will you please join me. You remember Rachel right? It has been a while since she abandoned us." Ross said in an attempted seductive tone to Phoebe.

Phoebe stood up from the lounge and Rachel looked judgementally at her. "Ross...? i mean... Phoebe?" Rachel asked.

Ross nodded. "Rachel, Ben, this is MY Phoebe." Ross smirked at Rachel and awkwardly wrapped his arm around Phoebe.

"Your Phoebe? You make me sound like one of your stupid fossils or something." Phoebe replied and Rachel laughed.

"Sorry, so umm… you guys… huh?" Rachel asked, knowing just what Ross was up to.

"Yes, Phoebe and I love each other." Ross stated and briefly kissed Phoebe's cheek.

Phoebe smirked and whispered to herself in a sarcastic tone. "Hmmm… okay."

"Yes, well, Ben and I have a very strong connection too. Don't we, Ben?" Rachel asked and looked over at Ben, while he simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Phoebe and I have the best sex ever, better than ours ever was." Ross said.

Phoebe nodded and whispered to Ross. "Wouldn't be the first time someone has told me that."

"Well, Ben and I have sex on a daily basis because he isn't too busy idolising his stupid fossils." Rachel smirked back.

"It is good when Phoebe and I have sex because she doesn't spend the majority of the foreplay worrying about her hair or how clean the bedroom is." Ross coldly replied.

"Well, Ben is actually a manager of a business." Rachel replied.

"Yeah, and what business may that be? McDonalds?" Ross paused. "Sorry Ben."

"No, his own company for your information, Ross." Rachel replied.

"Well, my Phoebe is a masseuse." Ross paused. "That actually comes in use for something, unlike say, I don't know… fashion?"

"Right, well being a manager is just so much more useful that being an examiner of 200 year old rocks from the bush."

"That is not what I do!" Ross yelled. "I am a palaeontologist; I examine fossils to make modern day discoveries!"

"Oh, Ross, that is such a turn-on." Phoebe smirked at Rachel; she was starting to enjoy this competition.

"Oh, Ross, another admirable trait about Ben is that he is loyal." Rachel paused. "He acknowledges the fact that cheating on a woman is wrong."

"Well, Phoebe encourages me to be open with my sexuality. She encourages me to ask for a break if I need one, then if she gives me one she doesn't bite my head off after I make a mistake."

"Well, Ben actually watches good movies. You know the ones in the cinemas that you don't have to read and that don't talk about one rock for the whole two and a half hours."

"Hey, you told me you liked those movies!"

"Yeah, and that night we had the best sex."

"Sounds like the time that I told you I thought Bloomingdale's was a good place for you to work, and that I supported your every decision."

"You didn't mean that?"

"Well, I don't mean it now."

"Ben has a degree in his field." Rachel paused. "Ben thinks dinosaur PhD's are a waste of time."

"Phoebe loves the fact that I have a PhD, she is so supportive of my decisions."

"Oh, same as Ben!" Rachel paused. "He supports everything I do; he even helps me carry my shopping!"

"Oh, well you need someone like that for the crap you manage to pick up in one centre."

"Ross, for the last time, it is not crap… they are valuable boutique items." Rachel paused. "Not that you would appreciate my taste and priorities, unlike Ben."

"Well, Phoebe and I talk for hours on end about my fossils. Because she actually cares."

"Oh, poor Phoebe, what a lame love life you two must have."

"No actually, Phoebe and I are going really strong." Ross paused. "We have been dating for quite a while now, and we haven't even had an argument."

"Ben and I haven't either, we get along so well."

"So do Phoebe and I, she is just so caring."

"Ben is supportive."

"Phoebe is sexy."

"Ben is handsome."

"Phoebe can kiss like i have never kissed before."

"There is magic when Ben and i kiss."

"Phoebe is very good in the sense that she doesn't waste all my money on stupid Ralph Lauren clothes that she'll never wear again."

"Ben is very good in the sense that he doesn't use all our cameras and film on taking pictures of stupid fossils he puts on a shelf in the bedroom anyway."

"Phoebe is very good in the sense that she often comes to the museum to watch me work."

"Ben is very good in the sense that, umm, he actually has a life!"

"Phoebe is good in the sense that she doesn't constantly flirt with cute guys that come into her work, into her massage clinic."

"Yeah, well, Ben is good in the sense that he doesn't put his hands all over the bodies of the cute guys that come into his work."

"Well, Phoebe is..." Ross trailed off as he tried to think of another comparison for Rachel, but Phoebe interuppted.

"Hi, I am Phoebe." Phoebe smiled and shook Ben's hand.

"Hi, I am Ben." Ben paused. "Do you want to grab a drink?"

"I love drinks." Phoebe replied.

"Great, then let's go."

Phoebe and Ben left to go and grab a drink and Ross and Rachel were left standing there, staring each other in the face- both flushed and angry.

"So, your date left you for another man? Ouch." Rachel said to Ross.

"Hey, don't forget that your date left you too." Ross replied.

"Yeah, well, you see… Ben and I aren't actually dating." Rachel replied and Ross breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness, because I mean… you know? You can do better." Ross replied.

"He did have a cute bum though." Rachel said.

"Touché'." Phoebe replied from the Central Perk counter.

"Hey Rach, do you want to go for a walk? Just as friends… to maybe talk things through." Ross asked.

Rachel smiled at him. "I'd love to; just let me get my coat."

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_Sorry about the long wait for the update... it isnt really that great, but i finally updated... please read and review_


	12. The One With I'm Pregnant

Rachel and Ross walked casually along the street as Rachel wrapped her coat around her shoulders. Ross smiled at her and scraped his feet through the piles and piles of autumn leaves.

"So, what work are you doing at your new place?" Rachel sighed at Ross' question; small talk was not the way that she had wanted to have this conversation.

"Nothing, yet; I still have to get settled in." She smiled gently at Ross and continued walking. "How is work at the museum?"

"It's alright, but nothing is the same without you." Ross leaned in to hug Rachel but she pulled away

_He thinks he can make this all better by hugging me… not a chance. I love him, but I only took this walk to tell him the truth… _

"Don't, Ross. Just don't." Rachel shook her head and Ross sighed, putting his hands back in his pockets. Upon seeing Ross' reaction Rachel closed her eyes and quickened her pace. "I don't think we're ready to go back there yet."

"Okay. I'm sorry; it's just really good to see you again." Ross replied and Rachel smiled at him.

Rachel and Ross walked pass the park bench in front of the Laundromat across the street and they both smiled at each other, remembering what memories they both had created there.

"We really had it good, didn't we?" Rachel smiled at Ross and he nodded.

"Makes me such an idiot for ever throwing it away." He replied.

"Yeah it does, Ross, but unfortunately… admitting to being an idiot isn't enough to make it go away." Rachel replied.

"I know Rachel, but I know that I am an idiot and I would do anything to take that night back… anything." Ross replied.

Rachel nodded. "I would too, Ross." Ross gazed at Rachel and remembered her beautiful eyes and soft skin; he remembered what it was like to touch her just after making love… there was nothing like it. Her heart beat softly beneath her sweaty skin and her tiny belly button moved in sync with it; there was nothing like waking up next to this beautiful girl.

The flood of memories and thoughts of Rachel rushed back to Ross and he grabbed her by the shoulders as if to kiss her, but she pulled her shoulders away.

"Ross, what are you doing?" Rachel questioned.

"Rachel…I…." Ross stuttered, but Rachel closed her eyes in sadness and quickened her pace away from Ross.

"Rachel, what are you doing? I thought you wanted to have a talk?"

"I did, Ross. But I don't think that I can." Rachel paused. "I still think that we need some time."

_Time… time is what I need; to forget about Ross, to settle in at my new apartment… to be free of all this hurt and pain. _

"Rachel, we don't need any more time!" he sighed. "You've been moved away long enough… we miss you in our friendship group and I miss waking up next to you in the mornings...I miss your sharing my life with you."

"Ross, I miss our friends as well… but what you did means that we can never wake up together again; I can't go back to being in a relationship where my love is going to be returned by such a betrayal."

_How I wish that we could go back to simple being Ross and Rachel… with love and without betrayal._

"Rachel…" Ross hesitated as he gathered his feelings. "I love you. I always have and I always will. Nothing means anything without you and I would rather use my last breath to tell you how I feel than to live without you." Tears streamed down Ross' cheeks and Rachel pressed her hand on his heart.

"I love you too, Ross. But we can't ever go back to being the same again." She paused. "You know that we can't go back, I've told you so many times. You hurt me to bad to return to what we once were." Rachel replied.

"I know that I hurt you Rachel and I'm not saying that we have to go back to the way we were before… but just not seeing you every day, even as a friend hurts so badly. Why don't you move back?" Ross questioned.

"Because, Ross… I like my new place, and right now I need some space." Rachel replied.

"Space from what? We have already had our argument… but by punishing me, you are punishing everyone else in the group. They miss you too… and I don't see why you would ever need a break from such an amazing group of people." Ross replied.

"I know that they are amazing, and I miss them more than you could imagine… but Ross, the way in which you hurt me was so much more than that…" She replied, but Ross interrupted her.

"Rachel, please move back!" He stated.

_It is now or never… if I tell him now, then he'll understand the real reason why I don't want to move back… but then maybe I'll have to move back…_

"Ross, i can't move back. Moving back would mean that we just went straight back to where we left off..." Rachel took in a deep breath. "Plus, I'm pregnant...."

_**Hey guys! I hope that this chapter is okay… I've been overseas for a while so I haven't had a chance to update this fan fiction at all… and I'm sort of lost whereabouts I was up to in writing the story. But anyway, please read and review and let me know what you think… I'm happy to make any changes! **_


	13. The One Where She Lied

Ross stopped in his path and turned to glare at Rachel. "You… you're what?"

"Pregnant, Ross, pregnant." She replied and frowned for she feared that telling him was a mistake.

"But.. how? When? Who?" He hastily questioned Rachel while placing his hand to his forehead, aching from what he felt was an overload of information.

"Ross, you know exactly how it happened… and when, well it was the eve of our anniversary; the night before Chloe." Rachel replied.

"I… I'm the father?"

"Of course, Ross; there hasn't been anyone else for over 3 years."

_Should I have told him? Is he going to want to be back in my life now? Is that even what I want? _

"Okay, then, what do we do?" Ross asked Rachel; gazing genuinely at her beautiful frame and stomach that was now carrying his child. He fondly remembered the night that they had conceived this child; he remembered holding her naked body in his arms, and all he wanted to do now was to hold her and never let her go.

_That night was so amazing… the way he held me and touched me and kissed me. Just the thought of us making love makes my skin tingle… but then I think of him making love to Chloe, and I don't feel the same… this isn't going to be what he wants to hear, but I don't want to get back together with him… I can't, I just can't. _

"Nothing, Ross. I don't want US to do anything… I thought that you deserved to know. And part of me thought maybe I wanted you back in my life… but I'm not sure that I do."

"Rach, we are great together!" He stated and reached for Rachel's arm. "We both know it and now that we are having this baby, we can have the life that we always wanted."

_That is what I wanted; a baby and a family and a Ross… but I don't think that I can forgive him. Part of me just doesn't feel the same way about him anymore, and that part is a big part of me… this baby will just have to grow up not knowing it's father… that's the answer; I love Ross, but I love my baby even more and I don't want my baby growing up in a broken family where it's parents are always fighting. _

"No, Ross." Rachel sighed and wiped a tear from her eye. "Telling you about this baby was a mistake. I can't let you be a part of my life anymore." Rachel wrapped her coat tightly around her arms and began walking off.

"Rach! Wait!" Ross called after her. "I've told you a thousand times before Rach, Chloe meant nothing to me… I love you so much; I'll never stop loving you and I want nothing more than to be by your side for the rest of my life."

Rachel turned to face Ross; "If Chloe meant nothing to you, then why did you make love to her? Why when you thought you'd lost me were you so quick in making love to someone else?"

"I don't know, Rachel. I don't know why I did it or what I can do to take it back, all I know is that it was a mistake and that I love you with my whole heart."

_I can't, I just can't. I love him so much… but he's not the same person to me anymore._

"Ross, I…." Rachel began but was interrupted when she felt Ross' firm lips pressed up against hers; he slid his tongue gently onto hers and kissed her with every fiber of his being before gently pulling away.

"Before you walk away again Rach, I just need to know one thing…." Ross looked gently into Rachel's eyes and brushed his thumb gently against Rachel's velvet skin. "I need to know whether or not you still love me."

"Ross, that doesn't matter… love isn't everything." She replied.

"No, Rach, I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that the love we once had is gone and that you don't feel anything for me anymore."

Rachel sighed and looked at Ross's gentle, loving eyes and took a deep breath. "Ross, I don't love you anymore." She replied and pulled away from his grasp, turning to walk the lonely path back to her home. Lying to Ross like this was the hardest thing she had ever had to do.

_**Okay... i haven't updated in such a long time.. I don't know if it is very good or not, so please leave reviews! Criticism is much appreciated... it will help me get back into the mode of writing/finishing this story :)**_


	14. The One Without the Life She'd Imagined

The One Without the Life she had Imagined

Rachel leant against the doors of her kitchen cupboards in her apartment; lights off, legs curled up around her chest and blanket covering her knees. She stared into her empty apartment. The hollow of the trees outside was all that she could hear and she could feel her heart beating against her chest.

_This isn't what I had ever imagined… the beautiful oak floors and spacious living room… the multiple bedrooms_

Rachel took another sip of her tea, hoping to release some of the tension that was pressing down on her shoulders. Everything she had ever imagined; of her life with ross, of their love that would last forever, of the family that would one day come true was crumbling beneath her. It was like everything she had always wanted was impossible, and the pain felt heavy on her already pregnant belly.

_How did my idea of a perfect life go so wrong? How did I go from knowing who I was going to marry; who I was going to share the rest of my life with and grow old with to this? _

Rachel sipped her tea again; practically bursting at the seams with anxiety and pain. The thought of being a single Mum scared… well, petrified, her… It was never what she wanted. Let alone that, the idea that her beautiful apartment was just going to be for her and the baby; and then thoughts of anxiety of what was yet to come… the days of being a single mum with no man in her life… Rachel had never been the type of woman to value a mans love more than anything else; but right now she felt that a man's love was exactly what she needed to bring up her beautiful baby.

_What if I'm not enough? What if everything that I have to offer this baby isn't enough? I'm only one woman… and this baby is going to be so beautiful, and I'll love it with my whole heart… but this is never how I imagined my life to be_

Rachel pressed her palms against her forehead and took a deep breath in. She knew that having this baby was the right choice, and she knew that she indeed would love it with her whole heart but what was scaring her was how different her life was turning out to be; she was questioning how everything she had hoped for and always thought would come true could just slip through her fingers. She still hadn't gotten her mind around the fact that a man she thought she could trust with the rest of her life had hurt her like this; but now she was to bring another life into this world surrounded by that pain and regret.

Rachel placed her hand on her stomach. Her cold hand against her olive skin, underneath her cotton purple pajama top; she blinked and a tear fell down her face. "I'm sorry my beautiful baby. I'm sorry I've caused us so much pain. I will love you more than anyone else ever could; it won't be perfect, but I'll never give up on us. I love you". Rachel quietly whispered to her baby before finishing off her tea and stepping up.

Rachel curled the blanket around her shoulders and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, as though for one last time picturing that life she had always wanted but wasn't going to now have; upon opening her eyes Rachel let the image fall out of her mind; it was something she was not going to see again; to survive she wouldn't, couldn't see what could have been but for her and the baby, the best to see was what is. It was time for her to take a step forward; in her life, and a step toward being the best Mum she could ever be.

Being careful not to bump into anything in the dark, Rachel quietly slipped into her room and into bed. Closing her eyes she began drifting off to sleep until the dark room lit up with the fluroesent light from the phone and she was startled by the ring. Reaching over to grab the phone, Rachel gasped as the inevitable showed up on the caller ID screen.

_Ross._

Four letters; that was all… and nothing more, that it took for Rachel to completely fall apart.

Could she ever forget him, or would she have to always live with the pain of what could have been?

Rachel pulled the blanket over her head and sobbed herself to sleep in her city apartment; just her, her baby and a relentless subconscious.

_**Sorry it took so long! I'm not sure if my writing style has changed but I hope that you still like it! Please read and review! **_


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